Tag Archives: Judy Sheindlin

What Would Judy Say?™

| JSheindlin@queenscourier.com


Judge Judy Sheindlin answers more of your questions about problems that trouble you most.

Married to Mommy
When a son husbands his mother, how is he able to maintain a healthy partnership with his wife?
—Bewildered Bride in Naples

If your husband’s relationship to his mother is one of love, affection and respect, that is reasonable and laudable. However, if your man puts his mother’s agenda ahead of yours, that is a problem.

In any family, there can be only one queen bee. Few women are content in a marriage where another female is the priority. Perhaps a frank discussion with your mate will work. You can emphasize that he and his feelings are your priority, and you want yours to be his.

I have always believed that marriage creates the unit. All other family members support and are supported by the unit. Parents, children, brothers and sisters can either enhance or detract from the unit. But the unit should be the backbone of the family.

Too Soft on Kids?
Have you read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom, and, if so, do you think we are pushing our children hard enough to succeed? Many countries will begin to outpace our children academically. Is it wrong to let our kids just be kids?
—Concerned Parent in Fort Myers

I am familiar with the book, but have not read it. I believe the answer to your question should focus on two issues: First, parents should identify and encourage the strengths of their children. Success builds character. Raising children who have a sense of self-worth creates a happy child and a successful adult. My parents supported my strengths, and while they did not dismiss a C in math, they cheered at the A in debate.

Second, your children have enough friends. You be a parent. Life has rules, and so should children. We all must exist within a basic framework of responsibility, respect for each other and empathy for those around us.

If you can teach those lessons to your children, you are a parent to be proud of, and the rest will fall into place.

Pursuing Divorce
I am 24 and still legally married (I’ve been separated for three years) because it’s so hard and so expensive to get a divorce. I got married when I was 18. I wanted it to last, but the relationship turned abusive. He currently lives in Mexico and is not allowed to return because he came here illegally. I sent him the divorce papers, but his lawyer ripped them up. Is there an easier way to do this divorce without having to pay $1,000 to a lawyer for a divorce that should be simple (no kids or property together)? I don’t understand how they make it so easy to get married but so difficult to get a divorce.
—Desiring Divorce in Naples

Unfortunately, it is easier to say “I do” than “I don’t.” It takes three minutes to exchange vows and often a lifetime to untangle the mess.

The valuable life lesson was taught to me by my grandmother. She said, “10 times measure, one time cut.” It’s an old tailor’s expression, but if we approach life’s important decisions with it in mind we would make fewer mistakes. Once you cut the cloth, it’s cut forever. You may be able to sew it together, but that takes time.

You are a young woman just starting your life. You should do everything possible to stabilize your future by divorcing an abusive husband. Save your money, hire a lawyer and obtain a divorce. Call the local bar association for a referral, if you should need assistance.

What Would Judy Say?

| JSheindlin@queenscourier.com

Judge Judy answers your questions

Judge Judy Sheindlin answers your questions about problems that trouble you most.

TIME TO ID FATHER? Should a grown man of 32 be told the truth about the identity of his true biological father even though his mother is still closely guarding this secret after all these years? — Robert, Naples

Your question tested the foundation of my views on fairness and parental responsibility.

Let us talk about the practical scientific benefits of knowing both biological parents — their medical histories and potential extended family are all important in today’s age of scientific miracles.

Let us talk about a 32-year-old man who would like to know his roots and put to rest his unanswered questions. The truth is very powerful, and the unknown is always an obstacle.

Your mother has the right to keep her secrets. These are her private places. However, having a child had the effect of including another person in her private world. She brought you into her secret. In these circumstances, the child is always the one to be protected. In my view, your right to your history trumps your mother’s right to privacy.

CHASING AFTER ALIMONY I have been to court for back alimony pay (no lawyer). I won. And guess what? Still no alimony. The system says I can put him in jail. So what? He is self-employed and has outsmarted the legal system. Is there anything more I can do? — Laura, Fort Myers

I assume from your question that we are talking about alimony and not the support of minor children.

While your pursuit of past alimony from a longtime ex-husband may be a legal and just cause, for a court system overburdened with child neglect custody, visitation, domestic violence and abuse, ex-spousal support is rarely a priority. This is just a reality!

I have usually advised women (and sometimes men) to accept a smaller amount of lump-sum alimony than rely on fond memories of a now defunct marriage to ensure the checks keep coming. That being said, if you are in a financial position to make the pursuit of alimony a hobby rather than a full-time job, you’re probably better off. Your life will be far less frustrating.

On a practical note, make certain that the judgment you have against him is filed. You never know. He may get hit by a bus.

LANDLORD-TENANT BOUNDARIES I’m troubled by my tenant who seems to feel that I am more of a babysitter than a landlord. I’m pretty easygoing, but my better half says I’m too easy on our problem tenant. Do you think that being nice to people under these circumstances is naïve? — Omar, Fort Myers

My answer comes from the “I-don’t-always-practice-what-I-preach” chapter. The world would be a better place if all people were willing to extend themselves for others, whether they are family, friends, coworkers, employees and even tenants.

That being said, I think even good natured people must set boundaries. If they do not, they cause confusion in the mind of the recipient. Eventually they will be “the bad guy” when they try to change the rules.

Set parameters from the beginning. Say, for instance, “I enjoy helping with babysitting, if you have an emergency, but please do not rely on me regularly as I have my own schedule.” If she doesn’t get it, she’s no friend.

Drug mill on residential street shut down, $400,000 of “Blackberry” heroin off the streets

| jlane@queenscourier.com

Graphic by Jay Lane

TLC Recruits College Students In Driver Refusal Crackdown

The Taxi and Limousine Commission has come up with a resourceful way to crack down on drivers who refuse fares. They have recruited college students to help nab drivers who don’t want to take people to their destinations. So far more than 360 drivers have been hit with $500 fines as a result of the stings. Since September, the students have hailed more than 1,300 cabs with drivers refusing to take them to either Brooklyn, the Bronx, Queens or Upper Manhattan about 27 percent of the time. Drivers who spoke with NY1 say they’re being unfairly trapped. Read More: NY1


Staten Island Ferry workers are sued over sexual harrassment by former worker Jennette Suarez


She used to swab the decks of the Staten Island Ferry but now Jennette Suarez wants to wipe the floors with her former male co-workers, who she says turned the fleet into sexually-charged floating frat houses. Read More: Daily News


What Would Judy Say?™

Judge Judy Sheindlin answers your questions about problems that trouble you most. Queens Courier Exclusive


Bronx drug mill on residential street shut down, $400,000 of “Blackberry” heroin off the streets 

Two NYPD “Operation Clean Halls” signs are posted in the lobby of a well-kept Cruger Ave. building where an apartment was used to package “Blackberry” heroin in glassine envelopes stamped with a likeness of the popular smartphone . Nearly $400,000 worth of heroin was seized and six pushers arrested this week after a two-month investigation brought down two drug mills in the tree-lined Pelham Parkway section, leaving residents shocked and scared. Read More: Daily News


Renewed hopes for a High Line-like greenway in Queens 

Encouraged by the success of the High Line in Manhattan, a group of Queens park advocates are rebooting a proposal to rehabilitate an abandoned rail line into a greenway. The old Rockaway Beach Branch of the Long Island Rail Road, which went out of service almost 50 years ago, stretches from Rego Park to Ozone Park, cutting a swath through Forest Park. Read More: Daily News


Judge says let’s swear in witnesses and get to truth in challenge of Tejpal Singh’s 1996 murder conviction

A Queens judge indicated Thursday he’ll have to swear in witnesses to resolve a serious challenge to the murder conviction of a Sikh man now serving 25-years-to-life for a 1996 drive-by shooting. Queens Supreme Court Justice Judge Michael Aloise said the issues raised by attorneys for Tejpal Singh must be resolved at a hearing where witnesses are questioned under oath. Aloise implied that a hearing would be necessary after lawyers for Queens District Attorney Richard Brown filed papers defending the original conviction and attacking the effort to free Singh. Read More: Daily News