Oh Orly: Week of November 17

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Oh Orly,

I want to meet someone and be in a serious relationship. Do you know how I can meet a good person?

Barbara M.

Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

 

Hi Barbara,

I get this question quite often so first, I would like to tell you that you are not alone. Secondly, I want to ask you: Do you know what you want out of a relationship?

You see, Barbara, most people know what they don’t want and they keep on focusing on the “don’t wants.” I suggest you make a list of what you want in a relationship, given that chemistry is there and looks are out of the equation.

Here is an example: “I want someone nice, generous, kind, with a great sense of humor. We communicate well and are understanding of each other’s needs and differences. We respect each other. We have the same interests and have fun whatever we do. I make him happy and he makes me happy, etc.”

When you are writing, don’t put any of the don’t wants, for example, “I don’t want a smoker.” Replace it with “I want a non-smoker.” I suggest you don’t focus on any of the don’t wants and be very clear on what you want.

After you have written your list of what a good relationship looks like to you, put it aside and see what happens. I promise that if you do this right, you won’t be single for very long. I would like to hear from you.

All for the best,

Smiles 

Orly